So the Bear had gone to her mothers with the kids for the day and Daddy P was settling into a nice little FIFA session. No kids. No list. Nothing. Just him. Alone. AHHHHH!!!
The Bear: "There's a big storm coming!! Actually, it's a hurricane"
Daddy Poppins: "Yeah 😒"
The Bear: "Don't be so dismissive"
Daddy Poppins: "We live in Ireland, not Florida"
The Bear: "We need supplies; candles, torches, food, milk, water"
Daddy Poppins: "Grand Whatever, I'm trying to play the PlayStation here"
The Bear: "They're saying it'll be huge on the news"
Daddy Poppins: "They say lots of things on the news"
The Bear: "You need to take this seriously"
Daddy Poppins: "I can't pause this its an online game, See ya later"
So being a [good husband/under the thumb] (delete where applicable) Daddy Poppins heads off into town to get the required supplies (plus Wine and chocolate 😜).
He would like to point out that this definitely wasn't just an excuse to go get a burrito, telling the world it could be his 'last ever meal' and generally laughing at the Bear on instastories.
So he gets the supplies, (eats a magnificent burrito) and heads home. Job done👍. On goes the PlayStation and he's back in his 'happy place'.
The Bear: "Have you seen the news?"
Daddy Poppins: "I'm trying to play the PlayStation, I've no time for 'news', fear mongering, that's all it is"
The Bear: "You need to go out to the garden and take in everything; chairs, benches, plant pots, bins, blah, blah, blah, blah..... sand pit"
*at this point Daddy Poppins had stopped listening (the lady's favourite films are disaster movies after all)
Daddy Poppins: "Wait a second! The sand pit? It's been uncovered for days in the rain. It'd take 3 people to move it"
The Bear: "Did you hear everything I said?"
Daddy Poppins: "Whatever! It's a bit of wind"
The Bear: "No, seriously!! Whatever you do don't forget to take down the trampoline"
*Daddy Poppins looks out at the bloody huge trampoline
Daddy Poppins: "FUCK off if you think I'm dismantling that thing"
The Bear: "It'll blow away"
Daddy Poppins: "Me Arse!, it's secured into the ground with big bloody pegs!"
Narrator: "You know he's going to regret that shit"
Daddy Poppins: "Not you again! You only pop up when crap is going wrong!"
Narrator: "I'm on a zero hour contract. They only call me in when they need me!"
Daddy Poppins: "When I make a fool of myself"
Narrator: "You said it, not me"
Daddy Poppins: "I don't care. I'm sticking to my guns. It's all crap. They don't have hurricanes in Ireland"
Narrator: "We'll see" *winks
*He's just a voice (a smarmy one at that) but I'm presuming he winked.
So I did the minimum... loaded most garden stuff in the shed, but the trampoline, Hell No.
Being a man I always think I'm right. It's an affliction. So to compound this affliction, I nailed my flag to the mast. Stuck my neck out.
*This tweet was sponsored by lots of red wine
So the morning came.
Current weather status: Nothing.
Current Daddy Poppins status: Hungover
Current weather status: Nothing, OK, maybe say, 'light winds'.
Current Daddy Poppins status: Hungover but smug.
Daddy Poppins: "Ya see Bear"
The Bear: "Its shifted away from us a bit"
Daddy Poppins: "excuses excuses"
Current weather status: Still 'pretty light winds'.
Current Daddy Poppins status: Still hungover and still smug.
Daddy Poppins: "Oh WOW!! look at that storm!" /end sarcasm
The Bear: "It's not due here till later"
Daddy Poppins: "Daddy Poppins reserves the right to say 'I told ya so' at a later date"
The Bear: "Talking about yourself in the 3rd person again, eh?"
Current weather status: Windy.
Current Daddy Poppins status: Hungover and no longer smug
Daddy Poppins: "It's just a bit of wind"
The Bear: "You should have taken down the trampoline"
Current weather status: Very Windy
Current Daddy Poppins status: 'Mmmmm, should that tree be growing at a 45 degree angle? Maybe I should have listened to that narrator'
Narrator: "I told ya so"
Current weather status: VERY VERY Windy
Current Daddy Poppins status: 'I'm going to be eating my words here'
The Bear: "The trampoline just lifted a foot off the ground"
Daddy Poppins: "Ah for Fuck Sake!!"
*goes out to check the pegs and take down the safety net (that's now acting as a sail)
Current weather status: Actual Hurricane!! (*Why didn't someone warn us?)
Current Daddy Poppins status: 'I'm never going to hear the end of this!'
The Bear: "ARGH!! LOOK AT THE TRAMPOLINE!!
*At this stage the trampoline is sideways against the back wall
Daddy Poppins: "Right I'm going to sort this"
The Bear: "It's not worth it"
Daddy Poppins: *mutters under breath "I'd prefer be dead than have to listen to the aftermath of that thing blowing away"
*So, Daddy Poppins goes out a second time.
How do you secure a trampoline in a hurricane?
Well, do you remember that sandpit that it'd take 3 people to move?
Still I suppose it could be worse:
Daddy Poppins would like to thank his wonderful wife* for the lovely photos* in this blog and state for the record that she is always right* and that he was not in any way under duress* while making this statement #sendhelp
Till next time,