We've all heard of 'Bitchy Resting Face', well apparently I've got 'Grumpy Resting Face'
When someone keeps asking you 'what's wrong?'— DaddyPoppins (@DaddyPoppinsBlg) April 17, 2017
And the only thing wrong is some keeps bugging you, asking you 'what's wrong?'
There's nothing worse is there? You know what I mean. You're doing your thing (reading, on your phone or watching the TV) and suddenly the conversation goes like this...
"What's up with you?"
"Yeah, I'm fine"
"Hmmmmm ......what's with the face then?"
"My face? It's, like, attached to my head. I'd look funny without it"
"You've been pissed off since I got home"
"Ehhh, no I haven't"
Back and forth you go until you're very close to the point of no return. You've already said you are 'fine' three or four times.
I'm talking 'actual fine'.
Not 'Woman fine'*
*if a woman says she's fine she means she isn't fine and if you love her you'll work out what's wrong and chat with her about it. She doesn't mean she's 'actually fine'. Oh and a further side note for the men out there she doesn't want you to resolve her issue using tools like 'logic and reason'. No no no. She wants to vent about the usually easily solvable issue, that's all.
If women ruled the world there would be no wars.. Just a bunch of countries that were FINE! JUST FINE, OK?!— jashtracey (@jashtracey) March 23, 2012
'But if she wants to vent then why does she says she's 'fine' and not tell you straight out?' You may ask. Good question. Good bloody question. I'm equipped with a penis though so I will never know the real reason for this. Just take it as the truth and move on.
When a man speaks. He means exactly what he says. There's no ulterior motive. No hidden 'come and find out what I mean' built into the plot. (This isn't the DaVinci code)
As Roy Walker used to say on Catchphrase we "say what we see". Men are simple creatures. Yes Ladies, memorise that last sentence and use it out of context against me in an argument in the future.
John Gray was right when he wrote 'Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus' (One has 'lady bits' and the other has a penis). Ok, he may have never written that last bit in the brackets but it just rolled off my tongue and made me chuckle so it's staying in my blog. What I'm trying to say (and obviously he was too seeing as he wrote a book about it) is that we are different creatures in so many ways.
"If there was something wrong I'd say it"
"No you wouldn't!! You'd bottle it up inside like a typical man"
There you have it. 'Check mated' in an imaginary conversation, using the logic of my last paragraph.
"There is nothing, I repeat, NOTHING WRONG!!"
"See, you're shouting. I knew there was something wrong"
It's a vicious circle, at this point I am pissed off, pissed off that I'm being verbally poked at (instead of watching the TV). The more I protest that I'm the more I'm fuelling the fire.