I'm a f**kin' Scrooge. (No, not really). I love Christmas.
But Christmas is 'at Christmas'.
Early Xmas makes me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry!! 😡
I wrote a post last year about putting up your tree, spurned on by neighbours who seemed to start their Christmas in November. This year I'm a blogger and it's already started!!! (Christmas preparations that is)
Look I'm all up for festivities but like most people by the time my family has been torn apart arguing over the rules to a new board game, full of 'liquid festive cheer'
I am no longer 'festive', I'm slightly drunk, full of turkey (and the 'wind' that follows) and yearning to just 'get back to normal'; no more 'visiting' or being 'visited', no more fecking boxes of sweets for breakfast, buying last minute 'passable gifts' in a late night chemists or accepting cheap packs of jocks from Santa. It's after dinner on the 25th of December, the presents have been given and accepted (some begrudgingly), Christmas is officially done in my head. It's time for that lull. The 'endless Sunday' that is the the time between Christmas and New Years (don't even get me started on that sham of a day/night) now has to be endured.
Get to the point. What are you saying Daddy Poppins?
Well I'm saying that Christmas is on the 25th of December between about around 7/8am and 3/4pm, anyone who says different is taking shite.
These people who try start it earlier are all about the C word. Nope not Christmas itself. The other one. The bad C word. The one that 'sounds like runt'.
Sidenote: This is a great way to win at a game of charades in which I've made the answers after my Christmas cheer is gone.
Sidenote 2: Don't ask me to do charades answers after my Christmas cheer is gone.
Anyway I digress, did you know that 'blogger Christmas' starts now?
"I'm doing Blogmas"
"Really, F off!!"
"Would you like to be considered for my Xmas gift guide?"
Translation: I'd like to set up the receiving of free shit for Christmas
"It's bloody September"
"Are you going to Xmas Blog on?"
"Is it happening on the 25th of December, cos I'm busy doing the whole Santa thing then eating lots, drinking, watching crap films and fighting with my family"
"No, it's on now"
"In September? The kids are only back in bloody school"
"Yeah but PRs are planning for Christmas"
As you can probably tell I've a bit of an issue with the commercialism of Christmas (or the 'holiday season' as it's now called: no point alienating the other major religions when you're trying to sell your product eh?).
Last year, new to blogging, I wrote about it starting in late November and it even got me a second Christmas piece in the journal, but this year I'm officially 'a blogger', if I knew it meant Christmas started even earlier I dunno if I'd have ever started this journey.
"But what will you write about at Christmas, if you aren't contacting PRs now?"
"Who bloody knows?!"
"I might give in but not in September!!"
"Wait a second, Daddy Poppins!! Aren't you actually writing about Christmas now?"
"Mmmmmmmmm, Ok, yes, I am"
"Don't rub it in, I've already cursed way too many times in this blog"
So what exactly is your point?
Well, Christmas is early enough, stop making 6 months out of 6 hours. Look I understand the concpet of being prepared (I was a scout as a kid) and so I'll play along a bit so I'm not sitting twiddling my thumbs in December wondering why I hadn't approached PRs about bloody gift guides and the like but honestly it's really breaking me doing it in September
So with that in mind....
Yup. I've sold out.
*Although you'll notice there's no mention of Christmas in my #Prrequest (that's my get out clause)
(No I didn't say 'Claus')
I'm the Iggy pop of the radical dad blogger world. So with that in mind if your are looking for an honest review or unique (see above*) blogger to collaborate with then hit me up at email@example.com
I don't always curse but do provide 'content that stands out'
Just don't tell anyone I broke this early OK?
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DISCLAIMER: Please note that this blog should be taken with a pinch of salt, actually scratch that, enough salt to induce instant kidney failure, although Daddy Poppins is a grumpy old shite, he still accepts that the whole month of December is in fact 'Christmas'. Lets agree to wait till after Halloween at least, eh lads and ladies?